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Jun. 17th, 2013

I started visiting this writer's blog a while back, and for the most part it's cool. He posts a lot about misogyny and white privilege and it's always interesting and insightful to read. But I'm just beginning to wonder now ... during what point, while standing up for minorities (not just racial minorities) and womens' rights/feminism, do we begin just being shitty to each other and segregating ourselves?

Does anyone get what I mean by that? I don't know how to describe it.

It seems to me like there's a campaign underway right now where the goal is to be cool to everyone except white men who say uncool things, in which case we should be shitty back.

I feel like the campaign should just be for everyone to calm down and not say shitty things about any other person that is a human being ever.

I agree, we have SO MANY problems still with race/gender issues, but I feel like in an attempt to right those problems we're creating new wars. So many people just want to see multi-faceted equality for all, and that's awesome, but I feel like so many people are going about it so angrily that it's just spurring new hatreds for different groups.
I've really never liked this whole black Friday thing. :/ I'd rather spend $50 and tons of hours making things for people than $300 and an hour or so wrapping everything up. I mean, I do a small amount of shopping online like maybe on Etsy or something, or if there's something someone really wants I'll go to a big store for it, I don't care. I just ... I don't know. All this midnight shopping and lining up for stuff is weird to me.

Might be different when Evey's bigger and wants a Sally Prissy Pants doll or something and all I want to do is get it for her. Except that's not going to happen because God willing the kid won't know what a Sally Prissy Pants doll is and she'll just want something from Crayola instead or an ant farm. Because I want those things ...
I know how to remove the Photobucket link and alt tag, I'm just way too sleepy right now. :(

A boat load of Evey pictures - 10 of which are from the not-newly-born-newborn shoot I did for her!Collapse )
It "snowed" today. By "snow" I mean white flaky things falling from the sky, but it's probably more sleety than anything. Doesn't matter. It is dark, cold, dreary, and it is ALL playing a role in how yucky I'm feeling.

... I take back what I said about "snow." Nope. Nope it's full on snowing-without-quotes right now. Snowing balls, as I just texted Austin. It's dark, it's cold, it's not even 6pm yet, and it's snowing balls.

Other reasons why I probably feel yucky?

I'm still in jammies. That's never good. (You'd think it would be, but it's not. Not for me.)
I just cleaned my house last night and it already feels gross.
I don't want to pump, so badly I don't want to drop everything and pump right now but the sore boobie is calling me. (The one that still works, anyway.)
I have two papers still due and I just can't concentrate.
I want to go to Hobby Lobby and get stuff to make a wreath and some little headbands for Evey but am not allowing myself to do so (or do so freely) because of homework.
I want to work on Evey's photos but I am not allowing myself to, again, because of homework.

Sigh.

But eff-all, I'm totally still going to go to hob-lob and probably work on Evey pictures because I can, because I want to ... and because Austin and I are going to hand little missus off to some eager member of her extended family sometime this weekend and hole ourselves up at Ball State's computer lab and catch up on our school work that we're both still quite behind on.

(To be honest, the snow is still kind of neat and pretty to me ...)

Nov. 9th, 2011

Just posting to say that THANK GOD it actually wasn't thrush ... I didn't know that babies' taste buds go through different stages of development and sometimes it can make them white like this. I had the pediatrician look at it and he is pretty certain that's what this is, and just told me to keep an eye on her cheeks and gums and let him know if anything changes.

Interesting.

OH - and speech went super well. :) She took 30 mls of pure breastmilk (not the fortified one) and didn't freak out at all! We're shooting for more on Friday, and speech therapist says her goal is to have at least half of all her feedings done by bottle by Thanksgiving. :)

I was so proud of my girl. And the therapist kept saying that she was a very pretty baby. :D
My diet has blown ass for the past two months, probably more. We have no groceries in the house. We are nickle and diming the crap our of ourselves going out to eat and getting take out constantly. I am way too tired to cook. Austin has no idea how to.

Today I've had like 4 cans of Diet Coke, some cake, a bowl of potato soup, and a glass of milk.

I suck, a lot.

But I have SO much school work to catch up on. On top of that, I am sleep deprived so a can of Diet Coke stabs me in the brain just long enough to start or make progress on an assignment. I am either going to play with/take care of Evey, or do school work. Not clean or cook. So my house looks like crap, we feel like crap, we're exhausted and malnourished.

I hate feeling so gross. :(
Evey's been home since Saturday. :) Haven't had time to post, of course. But I've taken lots of pictures.

I haven't said anything on Facebook because we're waiting to surprise Austin's grandparents at their house.


In the mean time she is snug as a bug in a sweet little rug all tucked into my Moby wrap as I write this. She cries somewhat often because she still has to take the iron due to anemia and it has her all backed up. She hasn't pooped in almost a week. She farts the stinkiest farts ever, though, and her tummy isn't distended so no one seems too worried.

She is on a feeding tube and we're doing alright with it. I'm hoping we'll get good news at her ear/nose/throat doctor appointment next week.

Yep. I'm sleep deprived, but it isn't so awful.
I got mastitis. Thrush AND mastisis. I thought you had to get engorged first to get mastitis but, okay. Now that breast only makes about a half ounce of milk. The left one will make four ounces after about five hours. I gotta figure out how to fix this while still allowing myself four hours stretches of sleep at night, since I've heard sleep deprivation can zap your supply, too.

I started antibiotics last night at 8pm but since my fever was up to 102 I can't see Evey until I've been on antibiotics for 24 hours. Bummer.

This is the fates way of forcing me to finish my paper, m'thinks.

No, but this weekend has blown balls.

I'm slowly feeling better though. SLOWLY. And I think the thrush is finally giving way to the Nystatin. I am taking acidophilus with each antibiotic pill just to be safe. Because that's awesome to try and fight thrush on antibiotics. Really, really awesome!

Can't wait to see her tonight ... !
For those of you not on fbook with me, Evelynn was born today, 9/10/11, at 11:26am weighing 3lbs 3oz and coming in just short of 16 inches. Neonatologist was incredibly impressed with how healthy she was for a two month preemie. :) hot set of lungs!
I had very severe premeclampsia and am so high on magnesium sulfate at the moment that I can't write at all hardly but I will be back with more later. She'll be in NICU for at least a month.
She is also the cutest baby in there, really!
We are blessed.

Sep. 5th, 2011

It's probably not that normal to feel SO crappy at right about 32 weeks, is it?

It felt nice to get out, be in the fresh (and I do mean fresh - it was only about 55 or 60 today) air and spend time with family ...

... but sitting and standing have become so taxing ... sitting for too long hurts ... standing for too long hurts ... I feel flushed, my whole body feels WAY heavier than it ought to, I'm either thisclose to conking out or I'm just plain tired ... I went from having the energy to paint every room in the house to now, not even being able to finish the tiny projects I need to do to finish up Evey's room. And on top of that, half the day I feel like I am trying to breathe through a straw.

Through the night it's like trying to sleep through a fever dream, half asleep, half awake, thinking of random, random things like the spelling of the name Ruari ...

... I just ... feel ... so ... terrible.

Evey is okay ... she's squirming right now ... she pushed her booty out at me and I watched my stomach deflate as she settled back into her spot ... I still get little rolls and taps and kicks, so I know she's alright ...

But I also feel so much BIGGER than I think I should be at 32 weeks. I really do. I mean, I've never been pregnant before, so I don't know. Could I be retaining fluid in my abdomen too, not just my extremities? It almost makes me want to ask if I can get a third ultrasound just to see how big she is - not that I believe those things to be especially accurate when it comes to weight, because I really, really don't (really don't)... but I feel like ... I feel like they need to LOOK at something. Or maybe it's just me wanting to see if she really is strong enough to come early if that's what has to happen?

I wish I had a blood pressure cuff to monitor myself. I mean, I've done some reading and I have ALL the symptoms of pre-eclampsia except high blood pressure ... which I guess is why my doctor didn't rush to have me do a 24 hour pee thing yet.

I oughtn't worry myself ... and I'm not worried so much as I am just really, really curious.

But ... yeah ... I feel like total and absolute ass and something in my spirit says I shouldn't feel that way. Sore, yes, but not like steamrolled snot, not able to do anything at all ... right?